The Very Bad & The So Fugly of Grammys

John Legend

I'm probably supposed to think it's charming that you showed up with the bow tie undone, hanging languidly against your popped-open shirt which reveals just enough of what looks like a freshly waxed / lubed-up chest... I'm sure you expect me to think it's all just effortlessly cool, suave, and macho...but here's the thing - I don't. I find it pretentious, John Legend.

Carrie Underwood
Carrie Underwood has a habit of showing up at award shows looking like a million bucks on the red carpet and then changing into something that makes her look more like five bucks.

Red Carpet :

"What a cute girl," you might say. "I love things that are sparkly. She looks sexy and age-appropriate!"

And then :

"Interesting," you might say. "Why did that cute girl change into a morose lampshade? How loud do you think that skirt is when she tries to sit down?"

And then :


"That cute girl looks like she's wearing her nightgown. Why is she wearing her nightgown? She's not at home, watching the Grammys in bed, eating bon bons and painting her toenails, like we are. Could she have had some kind of head injury backstage leading her to believe that in fact she was singing into her hairbrush in her bedroom? How very sad. How very sad, indeed. Maybe they should give her an award to snap her back into reality."

Sheryl Crow



It doesn't help that this dress is enforcing a high waistline on her that gives her lower half a bizarre dumpyness, but that torso is a frightening thing. Dating a professional and highly competitive cyclist probably sent her over the fitness edge; now we're worried that breaking up with said professional cyclist might have driven her away from the fridge. That's not cleavage -- that's a cutting board.


Tera Patrick

That's a cute shirt Tera Patrick is wearing.

"Shirt" being the operative word in that sentence.

Danni Ray

You're at the Grammy Awards, honey, not the gynecologist. Put your peaches back in the can, stand up straight, and stop visually begging people to use their trophies as a speculum.

Ashley Altman

I don't know who Ashley Altman is.
But I'm pretty sure SHE thinks she's Barbie.